Letters
by RhiannonChloe
Summary: Whats this? Harry Potter is unloved because his girlfriend read Twilight and is now an Edward-light. What does he do? He writes a letter and sends it to Edward Cullen via Hedwig, how will Edward re-act? What did Harry write? Read to find out!
1. Harry's Rage

**Hi!  
Disclaimer: Do I live in England? No. That should be all you need to know.  
Clo is Harry, Rhiannon is Eddie**

* * *

Mr Edward Anthony Mason Cullen,  
The Cottage Beside The Cullen House,  
Forks Washington.

I have the great pleasure to inform you. YOU SUCK DRAGON TOES. I was all happy with my girlfriend and all my other friends and all we would to is hang out, go to class and get in trouble. You know, just simple stuff like breaking through full grown wizards enchantments and going into mythical chambers. Helping escaped crimals who are really free make their get-away, going into the Tri-wizard tournament, facing Voldemort, And finaly sneaking into the Ministry Of Magic's most protected department. Normal stuff!

Then you happened.

We were in Hogsmead and BAM the new "Muggle Book of the Decade" just HAD to come! I mean I just wanted some Wet-start Fireworks from Zonko's and some Ice Mice from Honeydukes. Hermione and Ginny just HAD to see what the commotion was at the bookstore so we went, they bought Twilight and they started to read in The Three Broomsticks.

It all went downhill from there.

They started talking in metaphors. Like "OH EMM CEE! SHE HAS BELLA'S HAIR!" and "Oh my Edward, I want someone like Jasper!" and it gets pretty annoying! They kept talking about a certain Edward Cullen so I decided to mail you. So here we go with the main part of this letter. We hate you. The we being me and Ron

EDWARD CULLEN I WANT YOU TO GO INTO A CORNER AND DIE

Sincerely Harry James Potter,  
Gryffindor Tower,  
Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry


	2. Edward's Rage

Harry James Potter,  
Gryffindor Tower,  
Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Harry,

So I had the displeasure of reading your letter on my second honeymoon. Let's say, it totally killed the mood. Bella didn't know I was a famous person. And now she's like every other girl on the planet. She's never says Crap or Damn any more, it's always Emmett or Jasper Sticks (He was a little frightened by that one) Just wanted you to know that you ruined my life!! I realize that I have ruined yours as well…….wait! I shouldn't be even thinking about apologizing to you! I lost myself some valuable Bella time. Now I'm back at home try to wrangle Reneesme from going and doing crazy things with the wolf, while I take her hunting and get scared out of my mind!! I HOPE YOU GO INTO A CORNER AND DIE!! (Cause I can't! MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!)

Edward Cullen

Pairs, France

Cullen Mansion

P.s. I am old enough to be your great grandfather, and I can get myself a fantastic woman! Yours is totally spaced out when she reads READS about me!

p.p.s. I'M IMMORTAL! Yeah I saw all those movies where you almost got killed!!


	3. Harry's Rebuttle

Dear Eddie Weddie In his weee little house In Paris France (Home of Frog Legs. Like yours)

YOU WANNA HAVE A FIGHT! I'm IN ENGLAND! I'LL JUST FLY OVER THE OCEAN AND I'LL HEX YOU SO YOU WILL NEVER LOOK THE SAME AGAIN!

Do you know whyyyyy Bella started to like you! Your looks! ONE LITTLE HEX can change ALL that! Bella-Time? What when she has to go to the bathroom or change her cloths or take a shower you call it a "human minute" Phshaw! Geeze, at least I don't become emo if my girlfriend is taking a shower...Actually I become the opposite...But that's private!

So anyways, Jaspersticks? Why not just use Merlin's Beard (Or Ron's favorite. WHat in the name of Merlin's most baggy y-fronts!)

Do you know what, Me and Ginny are both strong personality's! And I can get all the interviews or photo shoots or number one hottest man of the year and she doesn't lose faith that I love her! Gosh, is your girlfriend insecure much!

Well I doubt that She would doubt that I love her after the cat thing....

Well anyways, I have to go to classes, where I learn magic! (I learned this GREAT hex, today... Carrotentoous Curse, makes your hair become carrots.

Bye Edward,

Harry James Potter  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft And Wizardry  
GRYFFINDOR Tower  
Beside My Hot Girlfriend

P.S I DIED AND CAME BACK!  
P.p.s I Killed a Basalisk!  
p.p.p.s ALMOST is the key word! I DIDN'T!  
P.P.P.P.s MY WAND IS 11"!!


End file.
